She told me to chill. As simple as that. Take a day or two off, where I don’t attempt anything that is study related. Find something that motivates me. Something that can make me alive again. Something for me to look forward too.
Sounds simple, right? But that’s what I did today anyway. I met up with a Brother in faith, and had a long conversation on life, relationship, spirituality and servitude. I think I figured out why I felt so burdened lately. I might have been caught up in worldly pursue, and I have not had enough time to develop my spirituality.
I could recall two years ago when I started yearning to walk on spiritual path. I had so many ideals and aspirations that made me feel ‘alive’. There were so many things I wanted to do, and achieve. To think about it now, I barely have the time to do anything due to the overwhelming study and work loads that I have to endure. I guess that’s what has made me ‘empty’ lately. I just have not devoted enough time for my spiritual progression as I used to. Some people advise that education is an important ingredient of one’s personal development because it gives us knowledge and skills that we can transfer to other individuals. Though I question, what if ‘education’ takes over your life and consumes most of your time? While ‘education’ prepares for our future, what about the present that we have? Should we not at least, use some of the present to be of service?
“By the declining day, Lo! Man is a state of loss, Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance.” - 103:1-3
The verses above tell me the significance of doing good deeds every passing day. Yet, I cannot do it. Yet.
Anyway, I am rambling now, and I need to warn you that this post will not make sense. It is almost like a conversation between me and myself. So proceed at your own risk.
So, what now Laksmi? What are you gonna do?
The voice shall tease the mind. To be frank, I don’t think I can do much at this stage. First of all, I need to get rid of this ‘emptiness’ inside. I need to revive the spark.
Right, how?
Well, right now let’s start with words only, action shall follow later. I shall list down what I want to do, and God willing I WILL do, once I finish my thesis and my degree. That will give something to look forward to. In the future I can come back to this and check if I have done what my lips have uttered – something that can tell me whether everything has only been all talk, or not. Okay, here we go
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
In the name of God, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.
Let’s make it an oath between You and I.
1) I want to be more active in building bridges between people. I will hold on to that one verse, that (I feel) defines me as a person, and defines my reason of existence.
“O mankind! Lo! We have created you from male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware.” - 49:13
2) I want to persevere as a regular blood donor. I want to be eligible as a platelet donor, where it is needed most. I shall achieve it by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. God willing, I can inspire others to make their own blood donation.
“On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if anyone slew a person ― unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land― it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if anyone saved a life it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.” - 5:32
3) I want to commit to volunteering for homeless services, mainly Manly Street Mission and Al-ansaar project.
“Ah, what will convey unto thee what the Ascent is! - to free a slave, And to feed in the day of hunger. An orphan near of kin, Or some poor wretch in misery.” - 90:12-16
4) I want to be more active and responsive in my day-to-day activity. To use my time wisely, and channel it to do good, whatever it is.
“Lo! Aforetime they were doers of good; They used to sleep but little of the night, And ere the dawning of each day would seek forgiveness, And in their wealth the beggar and the outcast had due share. And in the earth are portents for those whose faith is sure.” - 51:16-20
5) I want to write more. I want to share my thoughts and views, in peaceful manners. I want to write good words that can inspire the people around me.
“A good word is like a good tree, firmly rooted and its branches in the sky, it yields its fruit each time with its Lord's permission” - 14:24-25
6) I want to resume learning languages. Arabic, Hebrew, Japanese, and Persian.
7) I want to read more and understand The Scriptures more.
“Read: In the name of thy Lord Who createth, Createth man from a clot. Read: And thy Lord is the Most Bounteous, Who teacheth by the pen, Teacheth man that which he knew not.” - 96:1-5
9) I want to overcome my insecurity. I want to defeat the devil within. I want to be more grateful of what God has blessed me with.
“Which is it, of the favours of your Lord, that ye deny? Blessed be the name of thy Lord, Mighty and glorious!” - 55:77-78
10) I want to network more with like-minded individuals, and establish a collective social movement for a cause that we care about.
“And hold fast, all of you together, to the rope of Allah, and do not separate. And remember Allah's favour unto you: how ye were enemies and He made friendship between your hearts so that ye became as brothers by His grace.” - 3:103
11) I want to adopt mostly sustainable and ethical lifestyle.
12) I want to travel more, to witness and become more appreciative of the grand design that He has created
“Travel in the land and see how He originated creation, then Allah bringeth forth the later growth. Lo! Allah is Able to do all things.” - 29:20
13) And of course, I want to spend more for good causes, while still being able to enjoy God’s provisions in life.
“He it is Who produceth gardens trellised and untrellised, and the date-palm, and crops of divers flavour, and the olive and the pomegranate, like and unlike. Eat ye of the fruit thereof when it fruiteth, and pay the due thereof upon the harvest day, and be not prodigal. Lo! Allah loveth not the prodigals.” - 6:141
ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ
Praise be to God, Lord of the Worlds!
That shall conclude my part oath and part prayer. An ambitious one, maybe. But that is something that I tell myself I’ll do, to keep me alive while I slave away (momentarily) for my worldly pursue.
And I give you permission to slap me on the face if next year I don’t do any of the above :).
- Peace -
PS: I find it amusing, when I realised that the concluding prayer (the last Arabic phrase) came from 10:10 (chaper Yunus/Jonah). Indeed all this time I have felt like I am Yunus/Jonah, where I am overwhelmed by the fish and in a struggle to swim to the shore. God willing, I will reach the shore, sooner than later.
