I wonder if anyone else has ever dreamed a dream where they experience something so emotional that they cry. Then, the next thing they know, they wake up with tears in their eyes, as if they've been crying, and with their hearts throbbing with pain.
That happened to me this morning. My dream led me to shed tears while asleep. That feeling when I opened my eyes is very strange. It was more than sadness; it was emptiness and sorrow..
That has been bugging me the whole day. The pain somehow carries on, and I cannot let it go. I didn't feel positive and frankly, I hate it.
Oh well, hopefully a good night sleep will help lighten this easiness. Tomorrow will be a good dday, sweet dreams...
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
++ Addiction ++
Addicted to coffee and bread, that’s what I am. You could see me munching on plain wholemeal bread and downing a double-shot latte for breakfast, and snacking on pumpkin-seed rolls and another cuppa throughout the day.
So I knew troubles were awaiting when I stumbled upon an article on blood type-based diet. The idea of such diet is that our genetic inheritance, in this case blood type, dictates what food will be beneficial, neutral, and harmful for our health. I was gobsmacked when I discovered that based on my blood type, I need to avoid meat, dairy, wheat, sugar and caffeine. I should also feed myself with more tofu and pineapple, relax by practicing yoga and tai chi, as well as sleep for 8 hours or more (not a chance!). Meat, dairy, and sugar, I can do without. After all, I can always have oat/soy milk instead of pasteurised homogenised cow milk, honey/rice syrup/agave nectar instead of evil refined sugar, and seafood instead of meat. But wheat, and coffee? I am definitely not a fan of wheat-free bread such as corn bread, pumpkin bread, rice bread or oat bread. I also am a staunch disbeliever to coffee alternatives such as dandy or carob. Simply no. I am not that much of a hippy, thank you very much.
That being said, I decided to give the diet a go. And it was pure disaster. Monday morning has never been as unbearable as it was. Waking up at 5am to get to work at 7am used to be a breeze for me, thanks to a cup of extra strong coffee. But not anymore. I struggled to remain awake in the morning, and when the day progressed, I had a major migraine attack. On top of that, my body craved for bread. A mug of chamomile tea sweetened with rice syrup and a bowl of porridge could not give me the much needed mental relief. The full-blowing air conditioner, which made me feel as if I was holidaying in Antarctica, did not help either.
The withdrawal symptoms worsened when the evening came. It was the worst migraine I had ever experienced in my life, I felt like my head was hammered repeatedly. It came to a point where my mum just handed me a cup of coffee, and say, “just drink it.” Knowing the stubborn me, I refused to take a sip and went on my feeling sorry for myself-for-not-being-able-to-drink-coffee. Anyway, I managed to sleep it off ‘til the next day. Tuesday was slightly better, the headache stayed but it was not as overwhelming as experienced in the previous day. I was sleepy, yes. I got emotionally when I saw others holding their cuppas, yes (okay, that was an exaggeration). But nothing I could not handle. I actually discovered a good coffee replacement – hot cocoa with honey. Divine. I think now the withdrawal symptoms have worn off and I managed to wake up early without feeling I needed to reach out to my coffee machine before even having my breakfast.
Okay I am rambling now, and my notes is on the brink of becoming pointless (maybe it is, and I am just in denial at the moment). The whole experience made me understand a little bit how bad withdrawal symptoms can be. I mean, it was only caffeine and I had it very bad. I cannot even imagine what torture that people who are addicted to drugs experience. It’s easy for us to call people junkies or druggies, and how they are parasites to the community. Sure, there are some negative people out there, but imagine someone who experiences a rough life and out of one or two stupid mistakes, they become addicted to drugs. Their whole life is turned upside down. The claws of drugs addiction cling to them, which inflict pain whenever they struggle to let go. Yes, ideally they should be ‘strong’ and ‘committed’ to rehabilition. But then again, when you experience unimaginable pain, a quick fix is much preferrable. Falling deeper and deeper into addiction. I heard that some people could not even withstand water, and they felt stabbing pains, and other type of tortures I cannot even imagine. Perhaps if I were on their shoes, doing one or two silly mistakes and being addicted that is, I would probably never have the strength in me to resist the pain, and just let myself be.
I’m not writing to justify addiction of people who engage themselves in taking drugs. I merely feel that I experience a fraction of pain and torture that they experience when they are in withdrawal symptoms. Now that I think about it, perhaps the greatest challenge of getting out of drugs is not letting go of the ecstatic feeling while on high, but rather fighting and enduring the overwhelming pain whilst in withdrawal. Sadly, a good number of people look down on those people, and will try hard to maintain distance with them. I can say that almost always, I’ll avoid them as well, which provides no solution as it makes them even feel more rejected and ‘enslaved’ by addiction. They too are people, and like the rest of us, many of them experience hardship and would like a helping hand. I personally don’t know how to go on about it, and all I can do is just talk the talk at this stage. But that is definitely one area I should consider more. Whatever happens in the future, only He knows.
Enough of my preaching. Yes, I am aware of the awkward transition of themes, from diet to coffee to drugs, so no need to slap that on my face. I am merely writing what is currently going on the ‘lil peanut brain of mine. I am off to get my fix of honey green tea. Peace out.
So I knew troubles were awaiting when I stumbled upon an article on blood type-based diet. The idea of such diet is that our genetic inheritance, in this case blood type, dictates what food will be beneficial, neutral, and harmful for our health. I was gobsmacked when I discovered that based on my blood type, I need to avoid meat, dairy, wheat, sugar and caffeine. I should also feed myself with more tofu and pineapple, relax by practicing yoga and tai chi, as well as sleep for 8 hours or more (not a chance!). Meat, dairy, and sugar, I can do without. After all, I can always have oat/soy milk instead of pasteurised homogenised cow milk, honey/rice syrup/agave nectar instead of evil refined sugar, and seafood instead of meat. But wheat, and coffee? I am definitely not a fan of wheat-free bread such as corn bread, pumpkin bread, rice bread or oat bread. I also am a staunch disbeliever to coffee alternatives such as dandy or carob. Simply no. I am not that much of a hippy, thank you very much.
That being said, I decided to give the diet a go. And it was pure disaster. Monday morning has never been as unbearable as it was. Waking up at 5am to get to work at 7am used to be a breeze for me, thanks to a cup of extra strong coffee. But not anymore. I struggled to remain awake in the morning, and when the day progressed, I had a major migraine attack. On top of that, my body craved for bread. A mug of chamomile tea sweetened with rice syrup and a bowl of porridge could not give me the much needed mental relief. The full-blowing air conditioner, which made me feel as if I was holidaying in Antarctica, did not help either.
The withdrawal symptoms worsened when the evening came. It was the worst migraine I had ever experienced in my life, I felt like my head was hammered repeatedly. It came to a point where my mum just handed me a cup of coffee, and say, “just drink it.” Knowing the stubborn me, I refused to take a sip and went on my feeling sorry for myself-for-not-being-able-to-drink-coffee. Anyway, I managed to sleep it off ‘til the next day. Tuesday was slightly better, the headache stayed but it was not as overwhelming as experienced in the previous day. I was sleepy, yes. I got emotionally when I saw others holding their cuppas, yes (okay, that was an exaggeration). But nothing I could not handle. I actually discovered a good coffee replacement – hot cocoa with honey. Divine. I think now the withdrawal symptoms have worn off and I managed to wake up early without feeling I needed to reach out to my coffee machine before even having my breakfast.
Okay I am rambling now, and my notes is on the brink of becoming pointless (maybe it is, and I am just in denial at the moment). The whole experience made me understand a little bit how bad withdrawal symptoms can be. I mean, it was only caffeine and I had it very bad. I cannot even imagine what torture that people who are addicted to drugs experience. It’s easy for us to call people junkies or druggies, and how they are parasites to the community. Sure, there are some negative people out there, but imagine someone who experiences a rough life and out of one or two stupid mistakes, they become addicted to drugs. Their whole life is turned upside down. The claws of drugs addiction cling to them, which inflict pain whenever they struggle to let go. Yes, ideally they should be ‘strong’ and ‘committed’ to rehabilition. But then again, when you experience unimaginable pain, a quick fix is much preferrable. Falling deeper and deeper into addiction. I heard that some people could not even withstand water, and they felt stabbing pains, and other type of tortures I cannot even imagine. Perhaps if I were on their shoes, doing one or two silly mistakes and being addicted that is, I would probably never have the strength in me to resist the pain, and just let myself be.
I’m not writing to justify addiction of people who engage themselves in taking drugs. I merely feel that I experience a fraction of pain and torture that they experience when they are in withdrawal symptoms. Now that I think about it, perhaps the greatest challenge of getting out of drugs is not letting go of the ecstatic feeling while on high, but rather fighting and enduring the overwhelming pain whilst in withdrawal. Sadly, a good number of people look down on those people, and will try hard to maintain distance with them. I can say that almost always, I’ll avoid them as well, which provides no solution as it makes them even feel more rejected and ‘enslaved’ by addiction. They too are people, and like the rest of us, many of them experience hardship and would like a helping hand. I personally don’t know how to go on about it, and all I can do is just talk the talk at this stage. But that is definitely one area I should consider more. Whatever happens in the future, only He knows.
Enough of my preaching. Yes, I am aware of the awkward transition of themes, from diet to coffee to drugs, so no need to slap that on my face. I am merely writing what is currently going on the ‘lil peanut brain of mine. I am off to get my fix of honey green tea. Peace out.
Monday, 4 April 2011
++ Late Night Convo ++
Before reading this note, put the song “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong please.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5TwT69i1lU
---
About a couple of weeks ago, I had a late night phone call with a good friend of mine. After indulging ourselves in some girly talks that you probably would classify as yawn-inducing, one of us made a remark of someone’s circumstance:
“Isn’t s/he fortunate to [insert something good]. Why can’t I get the same.”
Just to clear things up, there was no envy or jealousy in that conversation. One was just in awe on how blessed someone could be, and wondered if someday would experience the same. Then one responded.
“Yeah, very blessed. But then again, s/he has a life struggle to overcome given his/her circumstances, whereas we are fortunate enough not to have to experience the same thing.”
Then further commented,
“Life is just, and balanced. We may be blessed with something that others don’t have, while lack other things that another has.”
---
Anyway, I shall cut the conversation up to that point for privacy sake :D. I guess I just want to share a tid bit of our conversation that got me thinking. Indeed as a human being, we have the tendency to be ungrateful. We focus on what we don’t have rather than what we have. How many times do we find ourselves think something along the line, “Why don’t I have what they have?”, “Aren’t they lucky!”, “Life is miserable!”, etc. Such attitude will eventually shape our perception of life, and our general happiness really. If we focus on the negative, we will find ourselves complaining about our circumstances and become unhappy. On the other hand, if we think positively, then we’ll appreciate what we have, and in turn, our life will be more meaningful and peaceful.
Say, if you find your job to be frustrating and driving you to the wall, instead of thinking, “My job sucks! I hate my life!”, why don’t you try to think, “Hey at least right now, I have a job and a means to sustain myself whereas there are many people struggling to find a job.” If you are financially sufficient and your friends and relatives come to borrow money, instead of thinking, “Jeez, don’t treat me like a cash cow.”, why not try to think, “I am in the position to give than receive, which is a good thing.” If you currently cannot find that special someone in your life, instead of thinking, “I am so lonely, nobody wants me.”, try to think, “That day will come, someday. At least now I have more time for myself, my family and my friends. I get more freedom to pursue my ambitions/dreams.”
So yeah. Focus on the good things of what you have, rather than the negative things that come from not having that which you don’t have. That being said, you may not have what others have. But others may envy what it is that you have. Life is balanced. We are blessed with something, and challenged with a lack of something.
Anyway, hopefully when you put that way of thinking, life will be more beautiful or at least, bearable =). Peace out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5TwT69i1lU
---
About a couple of weeks ago, I had a late night phone call with a good friend of mine. After indulging ourselves in some girly talks that you probably would classify as yawn-inducing, one of us made a remark of someone’s circumstance:
“Isn’t s/he fortunate to [insert something good]. Why can’t I get the same.”
Just to clear things up, there was no envy or jealousy in that conversation. One was just in awe on how blessed someone could be, and wondered if someday would experience the same. Then one responded.
“Yeah, very blessed. But then again, s/he has a life struggle to overcome given his/her circumstances, whereas we are fortunate enough not to have to experience the same thing.”
Then further commented,
“Life is just, and balanced. We may be blessed with something that others don’t have, while lack other things that another has.”
---
Anyway, I shall cut the conversation up to that point for privacy sake :D. I guess I just want to share a tid bit of our conversation that got me thinking. Indeed as a human being, we have the tendency to be ungrateful. We focus on what we don’t have rather than what we have. How many times do we find ourselves think something along the line, “Why don’t I have what they have?”, “Aren’t they lucky!”, “Life is miserable!”, etc. Such attitude will eventually shape our perception of life, and our general happiness really. If we focus on the negative, we will find ourselves complaining about our circumstances and become unhappy. On the other hand, if we think positively, then we’ll appreciate what we have, and in turn, our life will be more meaningful and peaceful.
Say, if you find your job to be frustrating and driving you to the wall, instead of thinking, “My job sucks! I hate my life!”, why don’t you try to think, “Hey at least right now, I have a job and a means to sustain myself whereas there are many people struggling to find a job.” If you are financially sufficient and your friends and relatives come to borrow money, instead of thinking, “Jeez, don’t treat me like a cash cow.”, why not try to think, “I am in the position to give than receive, which is a good thing.” If you currently cannot find that special someone in your life, instead of thinking, “I am so lonely, nobody wants me.”, try to think, “That day will come, someday. At least now I have more time for myself, my family and my friends. I get more freedom to pursue my ambitions/dreams.”
So yeah. Focus on the good things of what you have, rather than the negative things that come from not having that which you don’t have. That being said, you may not have what others have. But others may envy what it is that you have. Life is balanced. We are blessed with something, and challenged with a lack of something.
Anyway, hopefully when you put that way of thinking, life will be more beautiful or at least, bearable =). Peace out.
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